Ready or Not....

Three days from today, my oldest will turn 5. Six days later he will enter his elementary school, not as a preschooler, but as a kindergartner.  I wish this transition was nothing but happiness and excitement for what will come. For him it is, but for me, as we get closer to the start of school, my apprehension only grows.

Don't get me wrong, academically he is above par. He is reading and can do basic addition in his head. His creativity and problem solving skills are exceptional and despite an articulation disorder, his intelligence shines through. So why I am so nervous?

I am anxious because he was forced into this world 8.5 weeks before his due date. Had he been born on time, he would have missed the kindergarten cutoff in our district by 7 days. In addition, our state only requires children to be enrolled in a formal education by August 1st of the year in which they turn six. Because my son's birthday is 10 days past that, my husband and I are not in violation of our state's compulsory education laws until 10 days before he turns 7. So why is it he is starting kindergarten so early? Especially when evidence shows that delaying kindergarten results in students having better attention and less behavior issues than the younger kids in the class? Two words: "Early Intervention". As a result of his prematurity, my son has both an articulation disorder as well as sensory processing disorder. He receives speech services through part B of the Individuals with Disabilities Act. As such, his preschool tuition was covered by our state. His school would have had to petition the state for a waiver in order to give him an extra year of preschool. My husband and I met with his teacher and the school's administration in January to discuss our desire to give him another year to mature. While the school was sympathetic to our concerns, they didn't believe he needed an extra year of preschool. Yes, as his parents we could have really pushed back and forced the issue, but we chose not to at that time. A second option was to decline services and put him in a private preschool for this upcoming school year and then enroll him in kindergarten at 6. He would then have to re-qualify for services at that time. In our minds, his need for services and continuity of schools is more important.  And honestly, if kindergarten was still play based and not the new first grade, we wouldn't have as much of a concern.  

My son has such a sweet and wonderful personality. He has never, ever met a stranger, despite me trying to teach him about "tricky people". He will give a complete stranger a hug when he senses they need one. His laughter is contagious and random people at the store will stop us to comment on his laugh. 

 On top of his sensory issues, he is a very empathetic child. Just like his mom, he feels the mood of the room when he enters. He struggles with articulating his feelings and frustrations which can cause him to act out at times. I mostly worry that his young age combined with his sensory issues will cause him to be labeled a behavior problem, when in reality if it had been easier to give him an extra year of preschool while maintaining services,  those issues may not be present.
As of right now wherever we go, he makes friends. At this age, other kids see the light that shines within him.  I am terrified as he gets older that his light will be snuffed out by bullies and it will be too much for his sensitive heart to bear. 

As a mother, I am constantly questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing. Five years from now, will I be regretting this decision? 10 years? Will his young age affect him greatly in school? Or will he exceed all exceptions and conquer all challenges that lie ahead, just like he has done every day since the day he was born? Only time will tell.  But ready or not, kindergarten here he comes. 

A Leap of Faith

On Tuesday we will be taking our first family vacation out of state (that isn’t back home to Chicago). We are headed to Legoland in California. It will be the first time Matthew flies on an airplane since his peanut allergy diagnosis shortly after he turned one. He is now 2.5 and has some limited understanding of his food allergies. He knows when we tell him something has peanuts he cannot touch it. He does not yet understand that peanuts will kill him. Thankfully we are flying Southwest and I have already notified the airline of his allergy. They will not serve peanuts on our flight. We should also be allowed to pre-board and wipe our area down to limit the contamination from previous flights that day. We are taking his car seat and will strap him in for the flight to hopefully limit his contact with peanut products. I bought disposable place mats for the tray tables and will have snacks for both boys for on the plane. If only I could find disposable nitrile gloves in toddler sizes. We have absolutely no idea whether his allergy is airborne. This will be the first time he will be exposed to airborne peanut particles in a small area. I will also have two sets of his epipens and 4 Auvi-q auto injectors with us for the flight. In the event of an anaphylactic reaction, each auto injector only lasts about 15 minutes before the effects wear off. They are designed to bridge the gap between first responder and emergency room care. Due the nature of a flight, it recommended to carry enough auto injectors to last the duration of the flight. His allergist also told us to give him Benadryl prior to boarding.

I made both boys these shirts to wear at the airport and on the plane. It is my hope that they are seen as a cute way to create awareness and advocate for my 2.5 year old when he cannot yet do it himself. It is not my intention to create conflict or tension among other travelers. With that being said, as a parent I am taking a leap of faith. I will have prepared the best I can and I will do everything in my part to limit exposure in the airport and on the plane.  But there is the X factor: the things I cannot control. I am taking a leap of faith with regards to the airline personal and hope they will see my son for the crazy, lovable, inquisitive toddler he is and not as a liability.  I am taking a leap of faith in my fellow travelers. I pray that they may be blessed with compassion and understanding when they are informed they will not receive peanuts on our 2 hour flight, but an alternative snack. I hope they will look at my child and see just that: a child. A small child who has no control over the way his body reacts to peanuts as if they were poison. A child who, along with his big brother, is extremely excited to go to Legoland and see the ocean for the first time.

Like I said, I am going to control what I can and take a leap of faith with that which I can’t and pray all we encounter greet my child with tolerance and compassion.