Last week I took my 3
year old son to pick out a Halloween costume. After looking at all of the
costumes he seemed to settle on Spiderman. As we walked to pay, he spotted a
Doc McStuffins costume and insisted he wanted to be that instead. I pulled it
out of the bag and tried it on him and the biggest smile appeared. He then
refused to take it off. I asked him if he wanted to be a doctor and if so, we
could go look at the other doctor costumes and he said “No, I Doc McStuffins”. So
after putting the headband on him (because the outfit isn’t complete without
the headband apparently) we paid for the costume and went home.
I posted a photo of him
in his costume and a few friends commented on how great it was that I was
allowing him to be himself and not forcing him to conform to society’s
expectations for boy costumes. While I understand completely where the comments
are coming from, it got me thinking: If he was a girl and chose to go as Spiderman,
would it be such a big deal? I have read so many articles about how unfair the
Halloween market is for little girls. The boys have so many professions to
choose from but girls have few and the few overly sexualize little girls. But
the reality is, we spend so much time telling little girls they can be anything
and do anything boys can do -which they can- and no one makes assumptions about
their future selves. But when little boys choose to do something that is
traditionally seen as feminine society starts questioning their sexuality and
gender identity. Which is ridiculous at best and offensive and inappropriate at
worst because he is 3. He is choosing to be Doc McStuffins on a holiday that
allows everyone to transform into something or someone else. His costume choice
implies nothing of his future self.
Had I told my son that
he couldn’t get the Doc McStuffins costume because it was a “girl” costume,
other than making me vomit for say it, it wouldn’t have made a difference. He
has no idea what that means. We have never gender labeled toys or activities
and he has never heard “no you can’t play with that, it is a girl toy” from
either myself or his dad. He has a toy kitchen, a baby doll, and doll house
along with a million cars, trucks, sports equipment, and trains (seriously, he
has too many toys!).
While I am completely
fine allowing my son to wear a typically female costume this Halloween, I am
still filled with anxiety because of it. I have seen how some people react to
similar things and it makes me afraid for my son. He has never met a person he
doesn’t like and calls everyone his friend. His heart is full of love for
everyone and I don’t want to see it get broken by the cruelty of others. But
these are my fears, not his. He has never witnessed such cruelty. All he knows
is that his costume makes him feel great and his already strong confidence is
lifted even higher while wearing it…and that means everything.
