Today my sweet baby boy is a month old. He is still not home. He is growing like a weed. 6 lbs 11 oz. Most of his preemie stuff doesn't fit him anymore. Some on the newborn stuff fits great, others are still huge. He is taking full bottles every other feeding. They are gavaging him the other feedings. I asked when they would try the other feedings by bottle and they said it was up to him.They have been testing him without oxygen and he does well until it is time to eat. Then he starts to desat. I have asked them if when he goes home and is still on oxygen do we need it all the time or just with feeding. They said probably all the time so we don't forget to put it on him. I think that is ridiculous. If he only needs it for eating, then he should only have it for feeding. A positive sign is at 5 pm today he woke up and demanded food. I hope he does this from now on. I need him home. A piece of me is missing. I get up every morning excited to go and see him and I leave the hospital fighting back tears because I hate that he is still there. They keep telling me to wait for the light to go on. I have been waiting for a month now. I know he is still little. I know he isn't supposed to be here yet. BUT HE IS AND HE IS NOT WITH HIS MOM!
I am so tired when I get home. I feel guilty that the rest of my household isn't getting the attention it deserves, but honestly all my energy goes towards being strong for Jayden and that is the way it will be for a while. I know eventually, when he gets home, I will get back into a routine and taking care of other things around here. Right now all my strength goes to him and to not lose it completely ( I am almost there).
