Progress

Things have improved greatly in the last two days. Yesterday Jayden was able to be removed from the CPAP, which he greatly appreciated. I was able to hold him for the first time. I can't describe to you how wonderful that was, even though it was for a short period of time. It did wonders for my mental state, especially since I was discharged from the hospital yesterday as well. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do...leave my son while I went home. There is something so unnatural about it.  A mother should never have to leave her newborn son behind. The wonderful thing about the NICU is that I can call anytime, day or night. I was able to hold off until bedtime. When I called they said he was doing wonderfully off the CPAP. He didn't even need a nasal canula. Knowing that I was able to get some sleep. 
Today when we went in, he looked like a completely different baby. Actually, he looked like a baby! They had finally washed his hair and he was just chilling out in the isolet. He only had the feeding tube and IV line in, plus the leads for his heart rate and pulse. After I pumped, they put him on my chest. Without the CPAP I was able to kiss him. 
The nurses and doctors said he is doing amazing. He was able to come off the bili lights. They are increasing his feeding amount every other feeding. They said if he tolerates it, by tomorrow or Friday he could be IV free. Tomorrow they will also be putting him to breast for the first time, just to see if he has any rooting or suckling instincts. They told me not to get my hopes up, but he is showing some good signs by sucking on his pacifier. 
His daddy got a chance to hold him for a while as well today. I have to say, there is nothing sexier than a man holding his newborn child. I have been waiting for 4 years to see my husband hold our child. 
Now that we can see his face better, there is no doubt that he is his father's son. He looks just like Jay. He has only opened his eyes for a few seconds at a time, so we haven't been able to determine what color they are yet. 

All  in all, today was a good day. I still hate leaving him and it hurts knowing I can't be there every second, but knowing he is improving and being able to hold him and kiss him helps.